just like him
by Potion
Summary: Farrah fell for a man who didn't catch her. / Amy likes Reagan, but she loves Karma. / Oneshot. Mentions of Reamy, Karmy, and a little bit of Farrah thrown in for good measure.


author's note: So this was inspired by Farrah's conversation with Amy in 2x05, "Present Tense," and when the idea hit me it just wouldn't let me go. Typically I wouldn't write a fic with Reagan because we don't know much about her personality or anything yet, but I think that with the way I wrote this fic I can get away with it. It isn't my best but I think it's decent. Let me know what you think!

**just like him.**

Derrick Raudenfeld laughed at her jokes and held her bags at the mall. She was 6 weeks pregnant and an emotional wreck when they got married but he ate her burnt lasagna with a smile on his face and wiped away her tears. He told her that her boobs were perfect when she complained about how small they were and he always told her she was beautiful even when she had no make-up on and rollers in her hair.

Farrah never doubted that he liked her. He was nearly perfect, nearly everything she could ask for, nearly everything she had ever imagined in her head.

But he never loved her. She was never the most important thing in his life. She always took second place to the bottles in the fridge. Her name was the second on his lips; the one printed on the black label was always a little more prominent in his mind.

It was enough for a while. Farrah told herself she could live with it until she just couldn't, until it became too much to pretend day after day. Until he needed a buzz to hold a conversation. Until Irish whiskey replaced the cream and sugar in his coffee. Until he could only compliment her, only touch her, only see her after a few drinks. Until a 2-year-old Amy asked to drink from a shot glass so she could be just like Daddy. Until all Farrah could taste on his lips was the remnants of Jack Daniels or Bud Light. Until it became the first thing he thought of in the morning and the last thing he thought of at night and the most important thing to him in between.

Until she asked him to choose and the fight ended with him packing his things.

He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and told her he loved her the day he left. If it wasn't for the smell of alcohol that lingered on her cheek and the clanging of bottles in his duffel bag as he walked away, Farrah might have asked him to stay.

But Derrick Raudenfeld liked Farrah and loved alcohol, and nothing she could do would ever be enough to change that.

So she went and got a boob job.

xxx

She makes Amy laugh and always brings her food, jokingly calls her "Shrimp Girl" as she hands over a box of donuts. She matches Amy's sarcasm and can dish out a biting remark just as fast as Amy can. It excites Amy. She likes a challenge, likes having someone who makes her think on her feet, and Reagan somehow manages to do that every time they talk. Reagan is comfortable and confident where Amy is awkward and self-conscious; Regan is steady and sure where Amy falters and sways. And Amy has to admit that she likes the way Reagan's lips on hers makes her heart race and stomach flutter.

Amy knows that she likes Reagan. She feels a need to tell her how beautiful she is and likes the way Reagan's body presses against hers and feels honored every time she manages to break through her walls a little bit more. Amy wants to know more about her, wants to know her likes and dislikes and what makes her cry and what pisses her off. She wants to make out with her in the front seat of her car.

But Karma calls and she becomes the only thing Amy cares about. Karma's hand brushes against hers and it feels like her skin is on fire and the goosebumps that Reagan's touch gives her are nothing compared to that.

Karma is the sun, the light of Amy's world, what tells the birds to sing and makes the world spin.

Reagan is the moon, the light when the sun is gone, what gives Amy just enough light to see and tells the crickets to chirp, gives her noise to focus on rather than silence, but it is never quite music.

Amy Raudenfeld likes Reagan. She doesn't doubt that, never questions it.

Amy likes Reagan, but she loves Karma, and she isn't sure where to draw the line. How far can she go with Reagan if the whole time she knows she will be gone in a second if Karma just asks her to? How much can she take, knowing that she will never be able to give all of herself?

Amy isn't sure if she will ever stop being in love with Karma and she isn't sure if she will ever be able to love Reagan.

But she'll be damned if she doesn't try.

(She opens her phone to send a text to Reagan but before she can ask her girlfriend to meet her for dinner, Karma calls. Somehow Amy ends up at a restaurant with Karma instead, and she tries her best to ignore the pangs in her chest that won't leave her alone.)


End file.
